I'd like to blog again. I keep telling myself that I will do it tomorrow, that I will log in and just start typing to see what comes out. I was digging through my first blog '0ur unforg0tten daughter' and was so shocked by how easy the posts came to me. I didn't think about it, I just did it. It wasn't an effort to me. So what has changed?
Well for one, my entire life has changed. I hardly recognize who this Ge0rgia girl is compared to the island girl I spent 17 years being. I guess I could start there. But who really wants to hear about my mixed pile of thoughts on the evolution of the new me.?. Nobody, not even me.
I do have photos to post, but I have had zero time to upload them, let alone edit them. I feel like life is passing me by and as fast as my legs are running, my wings are flapping and my mind is racing, I can't keep up. I'm drowning in the sea of life. Summertime is here and I wonder what ever happened to those lazy days of summer??? Why hasn't life slowed down?
I'm making it to my all of my kids events, I'm still managing to coupon, cook every night, grill out, go to the pool, enjoy my cocktails with my friends, but I don't feel deeply connected to this new life of mine. I'm not even really sure how to explain it. My kids love it here, but we all miss our island time, the place that makes me heart beat fast and my mind stand still. The place that lets me know that all is right in the world. The place that has heard my laughter and held my tears. I miss home, but there's no going back right now. We are here because we have to be. It's what is right and it is what it is. It's not that we don't like it here, in fact, we really do. Every time I get overwhelmed, I get the urge to run back home. So maybe that's all there is to it. I just don't know.
I've changed as a person. I view things much differently than I used to. I've grown. We've gone through more in the past few years than we've ever gone through before and it's changed who we are. I don't really find these things so blog worthy, but this 'change' has been all encompassing.
I tie in my life with all that's going on in the world and and it causes a huge fear in me, a road block into my thought patterns that I stop processing. I do have huge fears. Shit is coming down the tube faster than I can prepare for. The world is changing and nobody seems to be talking about it. I don't understand if nobody wants to speak out and say something or if nobody notices? But it has me scared to death for my family. Why is nobody around me scared? or talking about it?
Speaking of talking? What happened to all the blogs that talk? Talk about stuff? All the blogs seem to be a photography blog of fantastically beautiful pictures that display gorgeous kids in fabulous clothing with sassy headbands. I think they are great, but I wonder how anyone has time...when I'm running, flapping and racing to get through the day with a smile on my face.
Just wondering...
6 comments:
Move over...cause this gal is right there with ya...flapping & running as fast as I can.
You really hit the nail on the head for me. Life is crazy that I do not feel like I even have time to think straight.
You are reading all my thoughts...
I hope you find your happy place. A new one or you get to revisit an old one.
Keep smilin!
I agree 100% with everything you wrote - minus moving (which is in our future, not State though) the last few years have been the hardest we've had and we've gone through some tough stuff before. I don't understand why many are not talking... we are talking too much! A friend recently said that we were depressing - seriously, well it's reality and I don't see things getting better any time soon. I am barely mustering a post here and there to just keep somewhat of a journal. So I'm running and flapping with you too and I'm talking, perhaps too much...
T,
Your right the world is changing. the fact is it NEVER has stayed the same. The fact that we enjoyed the world as we knew it for so long is really a miracle. Think of your grandparents, Think of what changes they lived through, world war 2 (maybe that one more your Great Grandparents), Korea, Vietnam, the cold war, threats of nuclear war, the great depression and ask yourself if really whats happening to the world is any different. The change is the only constant in the world.
Look at your life, those babies are growing so fast. I hardly recognized G from his school pics. Time stops for no one. Thats the hard truth for all of us.
I know your fears are for your kids and their future but that out of your hands. Don't become crippled in what you can't change. You, as all of us will have to roll with the punchs in life and deal with what is giving as it comes. Try for this summer to just live in the moment because thats really all we have isn't it!!!
{{{HUGS}}}
I feel just like this blog post. While I am not running to 4 different childrens' events.. I feel like I am in constant motion and going no where! I think the hardest times are about to really hit us now with Marty losing his job. It might mean a move for us. While he is not from Ohio.. I've lived here most of my life. I wouldn't call it paradise but it's what I know. Hang in there! Hugs!
You are so good at putting your thoughts into words! And those are still my thoughts exactly. It's been 2 yrs since we sold our house in Palm City and moved to Missoui...and I still can't look at pictures without tearing up. We have been blessed with great jobs and an awesome house to rent...but I just can't shake Florida.
How stupid is that when I see the destruction in Joplin and those who have lost everything. A friend told me how lucky I was to have lived in Florida for 16 yrs. She has only visited once.
Things will be fine...we do what we gott do.
Jenn
We are living parallel lives right now. Your Florida is my Cincinnati. Hang in there. Hope your baby girl is still thriving. Hugs to you and yours,
Amy
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