Thursday, May 20, 2010

Dear new homeowner,

Allow me to be the first to welcome you to your new home. I won't cry because it's over (for me), but instead I'll smile because it happened. ~Dr. Suess

You should know that we spent time filling each room with nothing but love before you ever thought of arriving. It's not just a 'house', but it's a home that brings comfort to the soul. We have put our entire being into this house and really learning how to live 24/7. To us, this house represents joy magnified! We pray you experience the same thing.

Your neighbors are fabulous and each one of them hold a dear spot in our hearts. We have truly lived a life beyond measure in this home. Afterall, we brought 2 of our babies home to this house. After spending time with John, we do hope a friendship grows and we can't wait to see how your journey unfolds.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."

May each of your days be filled with all things grand. Welcome to Parad*se!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Last Call

It's as if only God knew how I felt, so He opened up the skies and let the rain fall all over me...
at the exact moment my 2 trailers were being picked up for the journey to Ge0rgia.
Everything I own left in a truck today and here I sit in my beautiful empty home.

I was actually hoping that it wouldn't feel so much like home once it was all dismantled, but it still does and that does not do much for this aching heart.
I wish I could be excited. I want to be excited, but the truth is there is no place like paradise, so why would I ever want to leave? My life is here. My soul is so deeply rooted to this place that it's making me wonder how bad will the ache feel when I wake up in hot Ge0rgia on a Saturday and there is no island time, no gulf breeze, no swimming pool/hot tub with a built in bar just waiting for a party to happen.
I know we'll be fine in the long run, it's just so hard to say goodbye to the life you planned on living your entire existence. I deeply appreciate all the comments of encouragement, the emails of love, the texts that say nothing because they know there really is nothing to say, but just wanted to be there. All day I've been smiling & thinking about Sandra's quote she left,
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
~Dr. Seuss
So so true.
The goodbyes are about to kill me.
Pr*ncess Ann came over last night with her perfect family and I had the biggie, we went into the ugly cry and then we both had the moment of, "crap, now we have to start the interview process all over again for the perfect fit of friends for our families." Our kids fit like gloves and I adore her family. She is my island queen, my go to girl for all things party, she's my let's have one to many beers and pink drinks girl, she is the Buckeye C0mmand Center, she is my c0rnhole buddy, and I will deeply miss all the fun her family brings to my world.
I've got a few more to get through before I officially pull out of parad*se, God help me.
I'm just hoping my heart will be ready to put the keys in the ignition and move forward to the new life that holds everything I own. The irony of everything is that on the exact same day one year ago, May 21, 2oo9, J&I boarded a plane bound for Ch*na to go get EG and on May 21, 2o10, we'll be climbing in our cars and heading to a new life in Ge0rgia...
what a difference a year makes...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My last weekend in parad*se

No words.

Just images from my last weekend with beautiful people that fill my life to make it what it is.

I'm so thankful for these people and many others that are not shown that have made this journey what it is. It's been a hell of a ride, 17 kickass years in parad*se.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

"If your rice bowl is full, then you are blessed."

I'm whiny, but I've resolved myself to what must take place.
I am blessed. Stressed, but blessed.
My rice bowl is full...
So what's going on?
I'm stupid busy.
*The buyers have decided that they would like my furnishings, however, I went on a crazy packing spree when they were trying to jerk me around and I refuse to unpack anything for the 2nd time. So I've spent the evening tagging the items that I haven't packed to indicate it won't be going into the moving truck. I'm happy with the price I will be paid, but feeling a little regret over one piece that I didn't really want to let go of. I priced it really high thinking they wouldn't want it and in the end, they did.
*We've bargained ourselves some golf cart parking in my garage for our employee, in exchange for pool care service.
*I've met with 2 new other employees for a smooth transfer of another contract that we have.
*I spent the last 2 weeks finishing up dental, pediatric and dermatology appts for all the kids.
*I spent today with my fabulous in laws helping me remove certain items that I refused to include in the contract, such as: a few light fixtures that I love, wooden closet organizers, a
few ignoramus wall hangings that I couldn't lift by myself and watching my FIL be my pool boy=0) It's been in need of some TLC, but there's only one of me and I just haven't had time to fool with it.
We are looking forward to Daddy coming home. I need him & so do the kids...especially one scared, confused little girl who is taking a few steps back and needing to be repouched as she trusts that every time I step outside without her, I will return.
She is so strong and yet so weak.
She is sturdy and yet so fragile.
She is my superhero.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Well this is just gonna suck...

So I ask that you please bare with me and my Debbie Downer thoughts that seem to be controlling my state of mind. I want to feel like me. Like happy happy me, but it's a struggle.
In case you're just tuning in and don't know it yet, but I live on AH LA CUL DE SAC HEAVEN.
The best neighbors you will ever find. Today alone, I cried 6 times...& each time it was because of multiple neighbors. However, the clan across the street has become so intertwined with my being that I am no longer sure how to live without them. M is the better me...the MUCH better me. I am dark, she is light. I am snarky, she is kind.
What surprises many is we don't share mutual friends, faith, family, culture or activities...but we jive. Like the sun and the moon. She has 3 boys the same age as my 3 boys and we share international adoption of 2 amazing daughters and we have both been married for 16 plus glorious years to 2 fabulous guys. I don't only connect with her, I love her and her family.
I'm at home with her beside me and I just need to figure out how to bring her with me!
EG however, is not feeling the 'home' love. She wakes up at night to do roll call and find out where her family members are...are they asleep? are they in Fl0rida? are they in Ge0rgia?
Her life is in turmoil and as much as I want to stay, we really need to make changes for her emotional well being and as most of you know, that has been our main focus from day one.
My little girl needs her Daddy full time, who would have thought her attachment to him would be so deep after only 11 1/2 months of knowing him and being so terrified of who he was was for the first 3 months of togetherness? My perfect precious EG is keeping me grounded to what is right. It would be so easy to roll over and stay separated for selfish paradise reasons, but she is forcing us to reunite as a family. She might only be 2, but she's pretty darn smart if I do say so myself.


That's how I feel.

Things have changed, the tide has turned and it's time for me to go. I wanted to be strong for my kids, I really did, it's why I pulled the plug on the closing in the first place, but life isn't working for us the way it is now. We need Daddy in it everyday, not for a few hours every 2 weeks. I can't do this gig alone anymore, it's drained me to the point of misery.
EG is a hot mess. She has no idea what happened to Daddy and she's acting out in every naughty way possible and it's hard to sit back and watch the downward spiral of EG's fears being played out everyday in such a tiresome manner.

I wanted the boys to finish school here, but the truth is, they miss their Daddy and they haven't exactly made this transition period easy. In fact, they've been nothing short of a pain in the ass and I'm living on migraine pills.
This isn't the life that I love in parad*se. This was the biggest boating weekend in my neck of the woods and we missed it on Sat and that made me sad. In fact, the whole weekend was sad. I had myself a good ol' fashioned pity party and thank gawd for friends that didn't let me drink alone...after all, we do have a fully stocked bar that needs emptied.

I will spend this week closing up the life I know and pending everything can be arranged with the movers, we'll be gone next week=0( I have till the end of June to stay in paradise and do as I please, but life isn't working for us this way, we need Daddy. I am shot, mentally and physically. I'm just sick of it all. After the closing, I felt at peace because I knew I had negotiated myself some time and it removed a lot of the immediate pressure, but after a very upsetting phone call from someone who owes us $1100, I caved. I can't handle anymore bullshit and I'm done. That was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. The truth is, I never planned on seeing that money from him, but I didn't expect him to drag mutual friends into it and create a 'smoke screen' to feel entitled to screw his friends. I don't even care, I'm more worried about him than the money, but it was one more round of bullshit that did me in.

It's time for me to stop delaying the inevitable and start working on bringing my family back together and creating a bright new future for us.

"I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me out
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now..."

Sunday, May 9, 2010

My Tribe

Jaylee & Eme

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