Wednesday, May 5, 2010

All you have to do is sign your name on the dotted line...

So today I said goodbye.

It wasn't just a pile of brick and painted stucco.
We've been in paradise for 16 years and this home has spoke sweet nuthin's in my ear for 6 years.

It was home. Home to me. It was the home that provided a much needed respite from life in WV after the death of my dad and my papaw. It's been 6 beautiful, fantastically FUN years behind these walls.
God, it's been FUN. Every room is full of happy memories, each room decorated with love and polished like a newborn silver spoon. I've *loved* every single second of life in this home. It wasn't just a place to live to me, it was a way of life. This house holds my whole heart.

It was home the minute we stepped foot in it and I've never been more happy in my entire life than I've been here. Seriously, what's not to love about it? How in God's green earth do you leave parad*se? How do I leave the best neighbors in the world?

I'm scared. Scared of the future, scared it won't be me, scared I'll feel like I'm not at home anywhere else, scared I'll be miserable, scared I'll miss home. It feels like I'm getting a divorce from something that I don't want to leave. I feel like I'm about to cheat on my house.

I could take all the B0D bullshit times 10, to have done it again exactly the same way. I've LOVED it here beyond measure. It's been real, real FUN.
Yesterday I pulled the plug on the sell, knowing full well that the buyers may or may not have been aware of what fell out of their Realtors mouth. But like I explained to the buyers on the phone for 2 hours today, I can only go on what the people that they hired to represent them say.

I was brutally bitchy to them and stood really firm, because ultimately I realized that I don't 'HAVE to' sign the papers if I'm not happy & in the end, they sweetened the deal and I really couldn't say no.
I don't really know how the future will play out with me coming back here whenever I desire, but they've said it no less than a dozen times to me & J that the offer still stands even after the drama, so we shall see. However, I did go from 'stark raving mad ripping the damn molding off the walls' kind of attitude to 'maybe I'll just leave the damn molding' kind of attitude. So we shall see.
It's been real. REAL FUN....gawd this day was hard and I'm glad it's over. I never knew that my signature could take so much out of me.


Marsha said...

So sorry, Tracy. I can "hear" the hurt in your "voice."

Can I ask you about WV? I'm the only one in my whole family that wasn't born in WV. In a way, that's my home away from home, just because I have so much family there. It's not often you meet people from WV, or hear anyone talk about it, unless they're making jokes!

I had a papaw, too. I've never heard anyone else use that term before....gets me choked up.

You're starting a new chapter in your life. It may start out like a slow read at first since you've just finished a page turner, but I have a feeling it will have a happy ending too! Your home is where your family is...and you're all together with Eme!

Colleen said...

Well............shit. All I can say is that it is not forever. Right? You are doing what you "have" to do right now. You'll be back to paradise. Promise. Swear. I wish I could have been there for you, make you a cocktail, and give you a shoulder.

Love you.

Shari U said...

Well, that makes me sad. Just remember,though, it's your family and your love that made your house a home. You will bring all that energy with you to your new house and hopefully it won't take long before the new house feels like home. A new journey is beginning. You have to leave the old behind sometimes to find the new. With your great attitude and your close knit family, you'll enjoy the adventure wherever it leads. And maybe, one day, the adventure will lead you back to your paradise.

Anonymous said...

A new place to live will be hard at first, but you have such a FUN personality, and your kids seem like they are so friendly and personable and likeable, that soon, you'll all be making new friends and new relationships...You are so strong and you have your DH and your family, it hurts now but your new home and new friends will make it "Home" too, just like Shari said...I'm glad at least it's over for you and you can move on to new and exciting adventures...You'll have ten new friends after a week, if not more, and the kids too!!! :D

(wish we could all come over and help you unpack, that would "boost" you up and make the job go so much faster!!)


Meg said...

sending hugs....and wishing you a future of smiles laughter and feeling "home"........

Rick and Ellen said...

I am so glad this is finally over for you. I am sorry you are in so much pain. I hope time will slowly fill that pain with joy. You seem to have just the knack for making friends. As difficult as it will be to leave paradise and start over. I know you will do fantastic. Great things await you on the horizon.

Tracee said...

One thing I've learned from your blog is that you are a fierce contender. You grab life by the collar and shake it up a bit. You will get through this. You will embrace your new town and your new home. You will make it a special place for your kids. You will make wonderful memories there. It won't be easy. Just remember how fierce you are.

Tawni said...

A big hug from Utah...

sheryl said...

I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to a home that means so much to you. You have an amazing family and happiness will follow you because that is what you create for your family! I am a native FL girl who has lived in GA for 18 years now. I will always miss FL and my DH is always on the lookout for opportunities that will take us back. But I can also say that GA is very much home to us too and we are very happy here. We live just outside of Atlanta and have a great quality of life for raising a family. We even have "Island Time", GA style on Lake Lanier. It's not the same as the ocean breeze and we have red clay instead of sand, but we still have FUN on the lake. If you are bringing your boat with you and will be anywhere near Lake Lanier, shoot me an email. We would love for your family to join our party! I would also be happy to give any input on which areas to live, school districts and such as you get settled.


shelley said... computer goes in the shop for a few days and look what happens. So sorry about all the crap that is going on. I would put all my money on you sista. Hoping all works out best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY

A Beautiful Mess said...

I am so sorry. Fun will follow you....I won't be too far away to hop in my car and drive to see you....I can be your life preserver....or your bartender whatever you need T. You call and I will be there!

love you

Catherine said...

Moving can be so difficult but it will get better. ((hugs)) I've been praying for you and your family as you make this transition together. Love you.

Debbie said...

Glad to hear all went well and that the sale took place. That is one more thing off your plate!! T, you will make your new house a home, we have never met face to face but just reading your blog and through comments I know that you will work hard at making it a loving home which new memories will be made for your family!!! Smiles and hugs as you start a new chapter in your life!! :)

meme said...

So sorry for your pain. Prayers for an easy transition. From your Kentucky Friend.

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