Wednesday, June 9, 2010

One Year Home with our daughter

During the move and our lack of Internet, I wasn't able to acknowledge our one year mark with our sweet EG. As I've blogged about in the past, there will be no "g0tcha day" parties, no "f0rever family" day parties or anything else that will turn my daughters loss into a party for her family to celebrate. Her story is to big for a party, as her Mother though, I will forever cherish May 24, 2oo9 as one of the greatest days of my entire existence.
We walked into a busy room and a complete stranger handed me a stunned little girl and walked away. I immediately loved her for exactly who she was. She was the dream that my soul had longed for my entire life. May 24, 2oo9 was nothing but a huge day of happiness from my perspective. May 24, 2oo9 was nothing but another huge loss for my daughter. She did gain a family that will love her forever, but she lost her entire life that day. She lost her homeland, her culture, every scent that she recognized, every face that cared for her, every Ch*nese word ever spoken to her, every piece of clothing, toy or lovey that she knew of, all familiar foods were gone to her, every thread of her entire being was lost to her on that day. Her grief was heavy, her anxiety high. We've spent the past year working hard on healing her wounded heart. The scars are there, they always will be, but those scars are also the glue of who she is. Nobody lives a perfect life or a life without pain. These are EG's roots that are molding her into the young lady she is growing up to be.
What a difference a year makes. For most of you, you know the pain and anxiety that my daughter suffered from for the first 3 months home. I can hardly recognize her as that same little girl. She's do darn confident and happy that it's easy to forget how fragile she can be. Her fierce love of life is nothing short of heroism. I will forever be grateful for the long journey to Ch*na that led both our paths on the right track to meet exactly at that moment on May 24, 2oo9. Thankful is all I feel one year later.
Thankful for:
the pain of the wait
the total annoyance of paper work
the long flight over there
the agency who was nothing short of perfect
the social worker that redid my paperwork 3 times
the pain in the ass gov't who messed up my paperwork and lost it 4 times
the long flight over
the man who held my daughter in that busy room till we walked in
the man who sat down and shed a few tears in the background of my video while he watched our first few moments with our daughter
My daughter's birth parents who choose life for her
Her foster parents that loved her till we could
the orphanage that did the best they could for her
whomever the anonymous person was that spread our family file out on their desk and matched us with L*ng Wan Hu
& to the Pe0ple's Republic of Ch*na for allowing us to raise one of you own.
Thank you.


Linda and David said...

Hard to read through all the tears!!! My thoughts & feelings exactly!!! We are nearing our 1 year anniversary as well (July 26). I too, find it hard to celebrate openly the day my daughter's world fell apart as she knew it! I will always cherish that day, but I know how hard it was for her (she was very expressive through screaming, scratching, pulling hair, etc!). She is such a different little girl now! It took such a long time before she truly seemed happy. Thank you for continuing to share. Somehow, it helps to read these blogs when I'm having a rough day. I suddenly remember I'm not alone!

Anonymous said...

As we come to our 7th anniversary with our daughter Ruthie now 8, and I remember it all so well. A joyous day for me and my husband, but a shocker for our daughter Yuan Ru. We tell her of all the girls in our travel group, she didn't cry the loudest, but she cried the longest. What a shock to these little souls. In the end, it is all so good.
Robin in NYC

Anonymous said...

As a lurker, it has been an honor to watch your family. I am appreciative to you for allowing me to continue to read your wisdom and learn from you afar.

Shari U said...

I never would have thought we'd hear you say you're thankful for "the pain of the wait"! Isn't it amazing, though, how once you hold that child in your arms you're so grateful that you weren't matched even one day sooner or one day later, but that very day when her file was matched to yours was perfect in every way.

Happy remembering! said...

congratulations! I hope the next year together brings more smiles, more love and more stories!!!!

Lindsay said...

How truly wonderful to see the difference in Eme in that year. And not so much the physical growth but emotional; your little girl has come so far with your love and security wrapped around her. She shines.

meme said...

That was BEAUTIFUL! What a difference a year makes. Here is to many more years of love and laughter. Thanks for sharing!! From your Kentucky Friend

Melinda said...

Look how far Eme and your family have come in a year! Through your blog we have decided not to celebrate "gotcha day". Mia will have been with us a year in July and though that day will always hold a special place in my heart I know Mia will view it differently. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and a different perspective.

Thank you for allowing us to continue to follow your journey!

Kayce said...

What an amazing year it's been! And a beautiful one for sure!

Steffie B. said...

Beautiful Tracy....I remember following your journey while you were there....she has come so far and it is all because of you and your sweet family! ;)
I hope the new move is feeling more like home....enjoy the summer!

Ani said...

What a beautiful letter to your baby girl. My eyes welled up looking at the pics of that day and the happy, smiling, joyous little girl that she is now.
Hugs to you all.

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing writer...What a difference a year can make and all because of you and your great family!


Isabelle & Ella
Montreal, Canada

Chasing Dreams Photography said...

Happy One Year together!!! Your family is so beautiful T....I love your pictures!!!! : )

Chinamama said...

One year...really??? That is crazy how fast a year has come and gone. Your love has done amazing things for Eme. She almost looks like a different person. Congratulations and may you have many more years of happiness!!!


ddcirclemusic said...

Happy one year to your beautiful family. It's been a pleasure following you since 06 ;)

Anonymous said...


Last May 24th was my "29th"/45th Birthday and I remember checking a few days later to see your teary smile when you met your beautiful sunshine....what a great gift! Have really enjoyed the far. Congrats on your first year and I'm sure you will make GA your own :)


Sarah @ said...

Congratulations on a year with your beautiful love!

Diana said...

The difference in a year is amazing. She is such a beautiful happy little girl. She has one of those smiles that shows in her eyes:)

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